Where do I start? Firstly, I haven't been keeping up with my school work and I slept like a pig in school for the most part of today. Sighz. Its quite sad really. This year I'm taking my A levels and I'm sleeping like a pig. Haha. Anyways, I just came back home from training about 30 minutes ago and I must say that today's training was one of the slackest training that I have ever received in my entire life. Not only did I only play 1 match, but I also got to sit around for the most part of 3 hours. Haha. But I did spend most of that time talking with my friends too. I don't know why, but when I talk to them about life and about myself, I start to realise that alot of people aren't who they potray themselves to be. Its like they are just putting out a shell of the people whom they wish to be.

The main topic was supposed to be about a person from my school called Toby. Of course, toby isn't his real name (but its close). He is a Year 1, quite plump and has an extremely erm "likeable" face. The reason he became my main topic of discussion was because like Albert Einstein who destroyed Newton's Iron lawas of physics with his Relativity Theory, Toby destroyed my 5 Iron Laws about the qualities a male should have to jio girls. And here is my much fabled laws.
1. He must be handsome
2. He must be wealthy
3. He must be cool/hip/trendy
4. He must be interllectual
5. He must be charismatic
Our..I mean, my dear Toby in my opinion doesn't have any of the 5 characteristics at ALL! According to my friend, Toby is egoistic, self-centered and full of self confidence. That must be it. Self confidence.I don't know how in the world he makes girls flock to him like he is the Sultan of Brunei. Girls ask him out, tag along with him wherever he goes, and even though he is a super dirty (foul-mouthed) person in real life (and in IRC), girls still go to him. I mean...is confidence all it takes? I don't understand how girls (even good looking ones and guai girls) flock to him! I'm really jealous. If he can do it, I'm sure just about anyone in the world can have a girlfriend irregradless of their character be it egoistic, nasty, cruel or mean. Sure, he is the house captain..but a title like that can only get you so far. All the other house captains are much better than him and yet they don't receive the kind of treatment he receives!!! Really feel very sore about it. If confidence will really get him that far, I sure wish I have his confidence man.

Dwelling on the subject on confidence, the discussion got from my relentless ranting about how unfair life was to how I felt life is governed by confidence, fate and destiny. Haha. The interesting part about the reaction from the 2 friends whom I spoke to. After what I said, I could tell that they were going "What the hell happened to Ian?" Anyway, I told them that I felt life is controlled by your confidence fate and destiny. The fate and destiny crap you can read below. The confidence was simply.."I see confidence in life as the courage to do what you wish to do in life. The life you lead, the games you play on court, the course you take in university, and the job you choose all depends on the confidence you have. The life you lead. Is it a life you wish to lead? Or a life you lead because it is supposedly the "right" way to lead your life. Do you have the confidence to lead your life the way YOU want to even though it may fall out of the definition of "right"? When you play a match. Is that you playing? Or is that your coach. Do you have the confidence to play for yourself and what you believe in? Or do you play for what those people supporting you believe? You came to JC. Do you take the course you wish to take knowing its a gamble, or do you take a "safe" course that allows you many options later in life? Do you wish for job security even though you hate the job? Or do you go for the job you like even with its poor future prospects? I hope you get my point by now. Confidence in life determines the roads in which you walk, the paths you take, and the way you live your life." My friend asked me "Why are you so humble?" I told him that I am not humble. Teochews are a proud dilect group and I am a Teochew. He countered that I keep saying that I am not good in my PDP and I never try to show off and stuff. But I told him that I am just being frank. I really am not a good player. Ask anyone from RJC or ACJC. They'll vouch for what I say. He then asked, Why do you like frank people so much. I said that most people in the world are politicians. They are diplomatic (me included I think..even though I am pretty frank most of the times so long as the answer won't hurt anyone). For example, I told him that if he asked me whether he is handsome, this would be my reply. If I thought he was handsome, I would say yes. But if he isn't I would say your ok. He then asked..what if I cannot take the answer? I told him, only ask the questions whose answers you can handle. Never ask a question you know whose answers may hurt you more than you can bear. But after what I said and after some reflection, I have readily concluded that I have no confidence in my life. Haha. I don't play for myself. I play for the people who believe in me as I didn't want to let them down. I lead a boring but "right" life. I take a "safe" course as the course I wanted to take was too unpredictable. haha. Anyways, its late and I need to sleep. Will write tomorrow.