Where do I start? Can I say I am disappointed? Can I say I am upset? My final badminton inter-school competition is over. The past 8 years of representing my various schools will always remain good memories that will always re-surface whenever my friends and i have a get-together session. Our school lost to RJC today 2-3. Can I blame myself? Can I blame the team? Can I blame anybody? Can I blame the lineup? I guess not. Strangely enough, I wish that there was something to blame for the loss. And strangely enough, I half wished that I was the one at fault. The one who blew it all. The loser. Ironically, I was so afraid of getting blamed and yet I am wishing to be blamed? Well, its better than I be the person everyone blames that another person (because I'll feel sorry for him) or the lineup. Everyone was saying how much TJC deserved to win the game because of our squad depth. Everyone says that our lineup was the most horrid lineup ever. But is it? I don't think so. I have given up wondering about lineups and who is "technically" stronger. RJC beat us fair and square today. They did it by being intelligent and motivated and I applaude them for that. Sure, I am sad. Anyone in my position will feel sad. For the second time in my life, I have been into the finals. This time, I was hoping to win the championship. To prove to the rest of the schools that even TJC, a school not known for sports can make it...and to finally have a championship title to remember. Haha. Alas, it wasn't meant to be. My vice-captain really fought his heart out today and I was really touched. His match against ACJC, he deserved to lose. He was arrogant and proud. But today, he is just determined. I could feel the determination he had and it really touched me pretty deeply. I haven't felt this determination oozing from a player since secondary 3 when we upset RI.

But aside from the sadness at not being able to clinch the title, I was also feeling very relieved that I won my match. Sure, he may be the third singles of RJC and sure, I wasn't supposed to meet him. But that doesn't make it any easier for me to play with him than to play against their first singles. Well, I was very very nervous bfore the match. The crowd the support was enormous and it was really one of the few times that I really experienced TJ unity. I didn't even dare to look up while I was playing because I couldn't bare to look at the crowd. Weird huh? Most people I know would love to bask in this sort of limelight but I really felt very shy and embarrassed about it. Anyway, while I was playing with him, all I could really think about is to give it all I had. To show him that TJ is no easy pushover. All I could think of was to earn a point at a time. Haha. I was so relieved when I won. I didn't let the school down, I didn't let my classmates who came to support me down and I didn't let the team down. But now that its my blog, I'm actually going to say that I didn't dare tell the vice-captain about my slight injury. I think its my right hip and my right arm. Everytime I move my right leg up, I'll feel this nagging pain at my hip. It will go away with rest but I don't particularly have time to rest do I? My right arm was the worst of all. Everytime I lifed it up, it would hurt like hell. I think I pulled a muscle there during training or something. But I am so lucky that during the course of the match, I was able to forget about the paina nd continue playing. I was supposed to tell my vice-captain about any injuries. But I am afarid that I will be rested (and i cannot overcome my fears) and that news of my injury might unsettled the team and affect the morale. So I kept mute about it.

I was also extremely touched today. All of the supporters who came to support us treats us so well! My class personally did 2 banners for me. They carried the words "Ian shen" and "Ian almighty". I was super super embarrassed when they hung up the banners for the whole school to see. For a minute there I wished my name was Bruce or something. But the truth is I am really really touched that they did it for me. I mean. Not only did they do it to show support for their classmate, it also showed that they placed their trust in me. And it is the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me. Ahh. I'm not sure words alone could express how I felt about it. Even after the match is over, I am still holding on to the banners. They aren't meant for display. But there are meant as a remembrance that people did believe in me. Thanks guys. If ever you happen to chance upon my blog. It really is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. I would also like to say a BIG thank you to my vice-captain. Without you, I would probably in the library club right now. You made me believe that I could do it. You convinced me that I could make a comeback. You made me believe in something I thought I would never believe in again (believeing in the team). You made me believe in myself. You single handedly united the different fractions of the badminton team to fight as a unit. You taught me the true value of trust. You taught me what it means to stick up for others. You taught me that winning is not everything. You showed me leadership. You showed me determination. You showed me the value of spirit. And you showed me what it was like to be strong. and you showed me what passion was when you cried like a hero. If there is a person I wish I met earlier in my life, if there is a person whom I can choose to meet even if I could choose to lead another life, if there is a person whom I could shoose to respect as a MENTOR, Jackson, you win it hands down. Thank you! I would also like to extend thanks to every single one of my friends who was amongst the huge crowd today. Thank you for believeing in me. And finally, I would also like to thank all the people whom I asked not to come but still came anyway. I would also like to thank all those who couldn't make it today but wished they could. I would like to thank all the people who wished me well. And to some friends who may or may not be reading this, Thank you for being there. I knew that you usually pon such events but the fact that you came touched me deeply. To some other friends, thank you for the card and the cookie. You know who you are. And to all mentioned above, a BIG THANK YOU once again.

But this paragraph is reserved to thank someone whom I didn't particularly appreciate as a person. But appreciateing and understanding is 2 different things. Mr Ng. Thank you for letting me come into TJC. I'm sorry we couldn't clinch the title for you. But my respect for you still grows because you showed you believe in us whole heartedly by shaving your hair before we actually won. I knew I shocked you when I mentioned that I wanted the whole team including you to shave our hair if we won. I knew you were astonished when I actually asked Mrs Ng for permission for you to cut your hair. I also knew that you were taken aback when I actually went up to you and shoke your hand and thanked you in person for being my teacher-in-charge and for believeing in us. And I bet you were even more surprised when I actually hugged you:) Well, I'm sure you understand me better now and I do know you better too. I understand your decisions and your unique ways of team management and I now understand why you didn't like me last year. I'm sure you view me differently now as I view you differently now and I'm sure that I have ended my carreer in TJC in your good books. And as a token of my gratitude, I would like to extend this Thank you in a paragraph specially for you:) THANKS!!!

And lastly, before I head to bed, I would like to dedicate this song to all those people who are reading this blog. Its titled "Go The Distance" and sung wonderfully by Michael Bolton. One of his greatest compositions EVER! Here it goes

I have often dreamed
Of a far off place
Where a hero's welcome
Would be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer
When they see my face
And a voice keeps saying
This is where I'm meant to be

I'll be there someday
I can go the distance
I will find my way
If I can be strong
I know every mile
Will be worth my while
When I go the distance
I'll be right where I belong

Down an unknown road
To embrace my fate
Though that road may wander
It will lead me to you
And a thousand years
Would be worth the wait
It might take a lifetime
But somehow I'll see it through

And I won't be looking back
I can go the distance
And I'll stay on track
No I won't accept defeat
It's an uphill slope
But I won't lose hope
Till I go the distance
And my journey is complete
But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart

Like a shooting star
I will go the distance
I will search the world
I will face its harms
I don't care how far
I can go the distance
Till I find my hero's welcome
Waiting in your arms...

I will search the world
I will face its harms
Till I find my hero's welcome
Waiting in your arms