I knew writing a blog in the middle of the night is a good thing. After another hour spent tossing and turning in bed I have realised that I don't like my crush any longer! All right! Haha. Now I can seriously focus on my match coming up on Wednesday and Thursday. I'll keep this blog updated with my results and our school's results. Of course, this will be my last year ever playing a competition donning my school colours and I want to make this the best year ever. However, the past few days, I have been feeling depressed as mentioned earlier and I think that has really hampered me during my trainings and that isn't good news. Anyway, now that I have overcome it, I really feel good about the competition.

I promised myself that I'll talk to a person about my fears regarding the competition. Someone whom I don't know in person as it would be embarrassing and it would probably be a female as some of them can really listen very well and give me some nice advice or words of encouragement or something. But I realised that I don't really have anybody that fits the bill. Of the 3 girls that I have met through the internet, I don't know 2 of them well enough to tell them something like this and the otehr one I don't wish to tell. So, that leaves me with yeap you, my blog. Last saturday, I had this feeling of utter loneliness and boredom when I went into the court to have a game of singles. This terrified me because I know that if I was in a competition, such sudden feelings would seriously affect my rythmn and control of the game that I am playing. So, you see my primary fear? I fea that I would lose my focus and my motivation at a crucial point in my game. Worse still is the fact that my court stamina is nothing to be proud of. I'm also afraid that when playign a crucial point, my stamina would give out and I would just give up the point and eventually, the game. It has happened before during a acompetition and I'm afarid that it would surface again. I have tried to will my mindset such that I will fight till the end. I have always admired my senior for this point. He foght with all his heart. Even though I could tell that he would probably drop from exhaustion pretty soon, he just kept giving it all that he had with his heart. He lost the match so very narrowly by bad luck but every time he recalled it, everybody who witnesed that herculean effort would definitely shed their tears. After i was witness to that battle, I have told myself that I want to play a match like that. A match that I can be proud of. A match that would make everyone proud of me. That I guess, is the only reason for me giving so much into this competition. To uphold my school's name and to give me something good to reflect upon for the rest of my life. And I hope all you people out there would wish me the best of luck. And when I play, I'll always remember these words. Its not a matter of how much you lost or how narrowly you won. At the end of the day, people will only remember whether you lost or whether you won. Nobody remembers the 2nd best. They only remember the best. So, on this blog, I'll promise myself that I'll give it everything that I've got.