Tomorrow is my last school match that I'll ever play. For the past 7 years, I have been representing my various schools for the annual inter schools competitions. From my primary school till my present junior college, I feel really honoured that I have been allowed to don the schools colours and represent them. Tomorrow will close this chapter of my inter-school competition life and I don't want it to have a sad ending. But of course, in every competition, there is always a loser and there will always be a victor. But losers aren't losers. Mr You Kok Keong once said to me "losers are the people who do not pick themselves up after they fall. The winners are the ones who pick themselves up and emerge a stronger person." I realise what he means. But I have already fallen. I don't think that I have picked myself up after I fell last year. In fact, I have only emerged from the fall a person afraid of even a shadow of an obstacle. This is true in a way because since secondary 1 when I first represented my school, I have only thought of one thing whenever I walked into the court to face my opponent. I have always..well, almost always believed that I could win him. I didn't think much about the match then. It was only whether I could believe I could do it and play my best, or to be afraid and play horribly and lose. There wasn't much concern about letting anyone down. No concern at all about my team mates feelings. Just mine. Last year was truely the first year that I believe I changed. Somehow, when I stepped into the court, I could feel the weight of everyone's trust..everyone's hopes placed upon me. It isn't physically there but I could feel it. I know I changed when I started realising I was playing the way my coach wanted me to play. I was playing the way people wanted me to play. I was playing the way the team thinks that I should play. All because I'm afraid that I would lose and let them down. I started becoming a very very concious player. I dared not take risks. I dared not play my best as I was afraid of the many inevitable mistakes that would surely follow. When we reached our goal..that was to go to the finals for the first time in our lives, I felt really elated of our achievement. And in that finals last year, I played the game I wanted to play. Nevermind that I lost. I felt really happy that I have played my best. I felt like me again. If it were possible to replay the match again, I wouldn't have changed a single thing. Even though I lost the match, I felt like I have won it. But of course, the harsh reality of the loss settled in after I stepped out of the court. We were 2-0 down and every single person in Toa Payoh Sports Hall wanted me to win that 1 point which enabled us to still be challengers to the title. But I had let them down. I lost the decider. Alot of people lost faith in me. I let alot of people down. It was then I realised that I knew I could almost certainly never be able to be myself again. This year, I am a senior. I am supposed to lead by example. But of course, I am afraid. Who wouldn't be? I am afraid that the people who supported me would be let down again. I am afraid the people who placed their trust in me would be cheated. I am afraid that I would let myself down. I am afarid that I dare not face people again. I am afraid I dare not face myself again. I am almost petrified. But I know that I have less than 14 hours to inject some ego, some pride and some confidence into myself. I know that I must put on a brave front. I know that the mind is the most powerful tool. Of course, I also know that I have friends behind me. I shall now quote something that my friend has sent. I don't care whether it was a diplomatic answer or an answer that isn't true. But I felt better. Thanks so much. Here it is "firstly, everyone u know is gg to be so proud of u. to be up there to play FOR the school. it doesnt matter the outcome..uve reached this far n to everyone, its a huge accomplishment many of us will never be able to reach." If I do make it tomorrow, I'll remember to thank everyone who have said words of encouragement to me. You don't know how much it means to me. Tomorrow, I'll go in, I erase any fear and doubt that I have. I must have only confidence, faith and believe that I can do it. And if I can believe, I can do it.