A supposedly continuation from just now. LoL. Lets see. So...I had to see my maths teacher and we had a 20 minute talk. But of course, most of what she told me I already knew. But I was surprised when she said that she and Mr Boon talked about me before. And they were pretty darn accurate when they predicted that I will procastinate alot. Apparently, I have underestimated Boon. I mean. According to my maths teacher they even analysed my character just by the way I play badminton. Is that possible? It must be. Whatever she said about me so far is quite true. Argh. I am puzzled. I have spent eons trying to understand myself when they could do it supposedly easily. Shucks. Anyway, the conversation got broken up when she had to follow the badminton year 1 for some photograph taking sessions. Haha. But it was so funny really. All the girls called me Gium Cai Boy (Salted Vegetable Boy) because of my salted vegetable Tom Yam soup back at Seoul Garden which made 4 people go to the toilet.

Anyway. That night I was reading Reader's Digest when I stumpled upon this article titled "Letters of Hope". It was really interesting really because I was feeling rather unhappy these few days. I don't know why. Seems a few days every month or every few weeks I'll juz feel depressed over nothing at all. Its like just fear compounded onto more fear over my A Levels. Plus the weird feeling everytime I am about tp leave a school. Its like I keep thinking about all the things I'll miss including the fact that this is the last time I'll be wearing a school uniform. I keep wondering, thinking and worrying about something that is really nothing. Sighz. Sometimes I wonder why I feel this way too. Anyway, the Article was about this female authur from China. She used to think that life was very unfair on her. Her sister was very very pretty, and extremely clever. She on the other hand was an ugly duckling (self confession) and her grades were nothing spectacular. As a result, she often suffered from Inferiority Complex and withdrew herself from the world. She kept diaries which she spilled her life "grievances" into and quoted "felt like I was the unluckiest girl in the world". She later joined a military academy and was attached to a program called the "Hand-in-Hand, Heart-to-Heart" campaign which sent financial aid to needy people in rural villages. On one instance, she sent aid to a ten-year-old girl to help her through schooling. Little did she expect that the little girl would write back. This was the turning point of her life. A reply and another response lead to a flood of letter exchanges between the authur and the little girl. In one letter the authur received, the little girl wrote "How I admire you! You live ina big city, and you have a happy family. You must be happy!" The authur was quoted "dumstruck. In her eyes I was a happy girl. Why had I failed to to see the happiness that was with me all these years?"

And that was the morale of the story. I realised that happiness is more of a state of mind except when you use drugs to produce dopamine. If you want to know more about it click here. Anyway, happiness in life is not found. It is realised. Anyone can be happy so long as they realise that they can be thankful for even the simpliest things in life. Its all a matter of perspective. Even a bad incident can be viewed in positive light to make you feel happy. Of course, its probably not that simple, otherwise there wouldn't be a sad soul in this world. And I stopped myself. No more philosophical crap. The thing is how to I make myself thankful for the simpliest things in life? All I see in my life right now is stress, pressure, fear and that odd weird feeling. Maybe I really need dopamine. Haha. Just maybe. Anyway, I was flipping through the pages when I stumpled upon this article which attempts to tackle this never ending problem of mine. he problem of course is LOVE.

Interestingly, its titled "The Science of Love". This article is about the study of human behavior (anthropology) specifically, love. It is interesting to note that instead of thinking about the different feelings different people encounter when dealing with crushes, wives/husbands, they just brush it aside and "assume it is the complicated force called love". The article states that "lust is not love. Lust is driven by brain chemistry". In particular, lust is usually associated with high levels of "Oxytocin" and "Vasopressin" which produces feelings of attachment. Romantic love, or infatuation is linked to another chemical called *gasp* "dopamine". Dopamine " generates obsessive feelings about the sexual partner". This also usually leads to "persistant intrusive thinking about the loved one" and could be why "people in love feel so messed up". The article also states reasons why feelings fade over time. The nerve endings of the brain could become "habituated to high levels of natural stimulants or levels of chemicals begin to drop" and this causes the feelings to fade. The researcher who came up with this theory reckons love falls into "three basic categories. Sexual, romantic and attachment love". Long term love can have some of each (sexual, attachment and romantic love) but it all requires some work to be done. "infatuation is a free ride, an overwhelming experience that can swamp the rational mind. It is blissful when returned, excruciatingly painful when rejected." The researcher theorises "that as infatuation subsides and attactchment grows, so do attatchment chemicals Oxytocin and Vasopressin." These 2 chemicals "calm us down" and married couples who are happily attached usually "feel a sense of peace and security." Obviously, the challenge in love is to find the right person to share your life with and as the researcher muses "I have studied love and come to know a great deal about it - but I still haven't learned how to do it - to faill in love and make it last."

Its very very intriguing really. I have always thought of love as being natural and up to fate. Perhapes that is still true when you find the person whom you really want to share and spend the rest of your life with. But this article suggests that love is simply an illusion of the mind. A natural drug induced illusion that gives you "feelings" for somebody. Hmm. Perhapes gypsies were way ahead of their times when they came up with the love potion. But even though so, the article only touches on the chemicals that stimulate feeling. Its still unknown why some people just fall for others. Of all the people out there, he must fall in love with her. Haha. Interesting don't you think. Maybe there are some things that are just not meant to be explained bt rather appreciated. Haha. Oh well. Guess I'll just have to wait till I find a girl who can make my body produce tons of dopamine and hopefully, the love will be returned. Otherwise, I'll suffer from "excruciating pain" which totally sucks. Haha. And yes. After writing so much, my hands are feeling extremely tired and I haven't studies at all after my tuition. I guess its time to buck up. Anyway, till then...