Hmm. ok. I'm sorry I said the diary thingy earlier. Because I have just written just 6 lines in my diary and I am already feeling super sick of writing a diary. Sighz. Oh well, I guess blogging is fun after all:) Well, as a self consolation, promises ARE meant to be BROKEN. Sighz. Ok today was an extremely long day for me. Well, I shall start from the beginning shall I? See, wednesday has never been one of my favourite days. Especially since I woke from an extremely horrible dream the night before. Well, in the fine words of an AXN advertisement for some science fiction show, I quote "we conjure paradises from our hopes and nightmares born of fear." SIghz. The nightmare was really horrible. I dreamt that I did so terribly for my A level examinations, none of the Singapore Universities would even accept me. Plus I dreamt that my army life was pure misery and I was outcasted by all my platoon mates!!! Anyway, I woke up and yet I still couldn't shake the fear away from me. To top it all up, I was having another one of those "Lonely" days again when I just feel so dead lonely that it makes me sad! This was really some super double value combo emotion packagae hitting me right in the morning. I don't know how much worse my day could have started off. Went to school and ponned my mathematics and economics lectures yet AGAIN. How much more can I add to my guilty conscience? Sat in the canteen trying to read through my Protectionism notes (yes I am super behind everyone) and for nearly the whole morning, I didn't say much to anyone. Wasn't even in the mood to eat my breakfast and considering how I still owed my friend money for someone's birthday present, it was a good thing really. And during physics practical today, we got to see how Milikan did his oil drop experiment to find out the charge of a single electron. Still don't understand the principle behind his experiment but oh well..if my tutor is fine with it, so am I. Of course, we got to observe some really small oil drops (I won't even start of how small it is) through some microscope. Given that it is ME peering through the darn microscope, I just knew somethign bad was going to happen. And it did! I couldn't even see where the eyepiece was and I just banged my whole spectacles into the eyepiece. Darn. It was so embarrassing! And yes, everyone was laughing at me. SIghz. Sadako: Bring on the contacts anytime anyday. Well, the rest of the day wasn't so bad really..my friends and I had lunch at Burger King and it was a pretty enjoyable lunch...But I think I might be just a little too erm..how do I put it obsessed with loneliness. Yes. I am officially branded a lunatic. There happened to be this lady who was sitting on the table beside us. She put her Shop n Save bags on the table and ordered her meal. Later, she just sat there ALONE eating her meal and I swear she really did look extremely lonely. It may sound extremely stupid to anyone reading this but the only thing I was thinking then was..oh dear. I sure would hate to be in her position. SO lonely!! I wouldn't even go near Burger King if I were alone. In fact, the only time I remember eating alone is when I am eating alone at home. If I have to eat out alone, I would rather starve. Yeap..I am this werid. I don;t even know what you would call it. So i call it weird. My fear of loneliness. Of course, our conversation eventually touched on a pretty lonely person who also happens to be my mathematics teacher and my badminton teacher in charge. Yes. Alot of people dislike her because she is an extremely super busybody. If there are rumours and you wish to keep abreast with the latest going ons in school, look no further. But of course, she also happens to be an extremely nice person and she is always willing to help you out in maths save for the occassional "we went through this in class many times before" or for me,"You are still at tutorial x ???? (x < current tutorial number + at least 3)" Thing is I remembered during one of her tutorials with us, she mentioned that she might enter her mid-life crisis earlier than everyone. Yeap. She is almost 30 and she still isn't married. You know, when I was in Primary 6, I really started to worry that one day I would end up in her senario and thats one of the reasons why I am so extremely afraid of loneliness. Don't worry...I plan to go to SDU after I graduate from university!!!! Please please let there still be an SDU after I graduate...

Anyway, I really wish to write more. But its already 12 30 am and I have school tomorrow! And guess what?? Some Anglican High students are coming over tomorrow. I don't know why but...my sister is amongst the lot. Oh no!!! She promised me just now she'll find out all about my personal life and knowing her "connections" she can cause havok man....BUT I believe my sister is matured enough to leave me alone..Haha...(do you sense fear in my voice? or was that sceptism?) Anyway, the important thing was back in March..2 weeks before my common tests, my physics tutor abandoned me.Well, more like I abandoned him or so he said. But here is the whole story. I called him to postphone tuition on wednesday as I had my Chinese papaer in the afternoon and tuition was originally scheduled in the afternoon. Of course, he didn't like the idea much but he obliged anyway.That night, the news came on that all schools in Singapore up to the JC level would have a one week break due to the outbreak of SARS. I was so overjoyed that i called him up (act smart somemore la Ian) and requested that the tuition be postphoned yet again to the original timeslot (friday) as I really wanted to relax. AS you might have guess, he didn't take this too well and the next day, he told my father that he found my attitude to studying too unacceptable and blah blah. And he hereby wishes to quit being my tutor and thats that. Never did hear from him for the next 3 months. Until today. My father had to call him up (I really wonder why can't I be more like my father) a few days ago to ask how he was (my father is just a nice guy like that). One thing lead to the next and my ex-tutor said that if I needed any help, I could always approach him again. Well, this question was a tough one. I am already trying to settle down with my new physics tutor (who by the way has terrible terrible handwriting and I don't really admire people with terrible handwriting because they potray to me they don't care!) and here was my ex-tutor saying he is willing to teach me again (terms and conditions pending). It wasn't a really hard choice for me although I know some people would say that I am insane. That I should have more pride than to go back to a guy who left me out to dry when I needed him most. But hey...it is my fault he left and I really felt very bad about it. Plus principles aside, I trust my old tutor more..Well, one of his terms and conditions was that I had a nice little chat together with him and my father over dinner. Aww shucks. Of course, he was nice enough to recommend the food court in NTUC Pasir Ris Holiday Chalets as it would be extremely convinient for us. Well, what was supposed to be a 6 30 dinner turned out more than that. He gave me a long sincere speech for a best part of 2.5 hours. Yeap! 2.5 hours. Almost non-stop action. I was so thrilled (right...). I even noticed that the table next to us had 5 people come and go. That included a middle aged man who ate Kway Teow, a family of 4 eating chicken rice, a pretty well dressed female waiting for her husband, a rather elderly couple who ate porridge and lastly, 2 small kinds who were just playing around the table. But the most amazing feat of all. How in the world did my ex-tutor's small cup of coffee last him through the meal, and 1.5 hours of the little speech he was giving me given that he seems to drink from it ALOT and my 330 ml of Coca Cola only lasted a good 20+++ minutes. 330 ml vs possibly 150+++++++ ml of coffee. My conclusion, he must have spat the coffee right back wherethey came from. yes sirrre. Nah. I'm just being stupid. On a more serious tone, the speech he gave me was really amazing. It really made me understand alot about myself and how he felt. For a second you thought I was paying attention to the table next to me right? Anyways, i have NO time now to write what he did say to be...maybe tomorrow..Hopefully along with an article of my father. Haha. Gosh for a person I used to hate for a good part of my teenage years, I sure do aspire to be like him someday..oh well, life is ironic anyways...