Just returned home from my friend's church camp. What am I doing in a church camp? Well, the original intention was to simply buaya girls since technically, church camps always gave me the impression that there are lots of pretty girls there (there are! but whether you dare to buaya is another issue). WHich was why I was surprised when I finally walked away from camp with a little more than I bargained for.... Firstly, it was a new meaning of respect. I went into the camp without long pants even though it was indicated clearly that long pants would be needed for sermons. I did not bow my head when everyone else (even non-christians) did when saying grace. And I was figiting in my seat throughout the whole of the first sermon because I seriously had no idea what the pastor was preaching and because it was bloody uncomfortable sitting in a small stool half the size of my butt. "Respect" taken from Collin's Modern English Dictionary is defined as
1. to hold in high regard/show honour or courtesy
2. to show consideration
After my friend pointed out to me how dis-respectful I was, I managed to do better. SInging hymns (english ones of course) during sermons (while trying really hard not to fall asleep), listening to every "sharing" session with the other christians and of course, bowing my head at every prayer. Perhapes this was what my father has been trying to tell me all along. Respect people! I would always think. I do respect them! But now, I'm pretty sure my respect for others fell way short of expectations in the past.

The other thing that I learned from camp is how narrow my perspective of the world is. I hate to think. I really do. Its because thinking about the world, about life, about everything always brings me back to the same conclusion. I always end up with more questions but with no more answers than I started out with. It also highlights to me how ignorant I am and how little I know compared to all the others out there. One classic question I seriously didn't want to think about anymore was the question that Kai Quan posed to me the other day. "Do you believe in religion?"

My answer then was simple. I told him, I don't know. Its not a simple yes or no answer. If someone asks me for my religion, I would tell him that I am a Buddhist (actually its a mix between Buddhism and Taoism). But to the depth of believe, its rather difficult because I cannot bring myself to place my faith in something that I don't even understand.

Okok. It wasn't what I said EXACTLY but it was close. I mean...I was simply walking down the middle road. halfway to believe and halfway to not believing. And....I think I'll close this subject here and now. Its sensitive and I honestly think that no matter what I think, in the end, it doesn't matter one way or the other