What pain means to me

My friend Jit from BMT once remarked "I feel most alive after running SOC". I smiled and agreed though I thought he was mad. I felt like dying after that 10 minutes of pure tortune. It was the longest 10 minutes of my life. And along the lines of pain, quoted by Demi Moore in GI Jane "Pain is your friend, your ally, it will tell you when you are seriously injured, it will keep you awake and angry, and remind you to finish the job and get the hell home. But you know the best thing about pain? It lets you know you're not dead yet!". So pain tells you that you, are alive.

But thats only to people who prioritize living over pain. Is a life worth living if its full of pain?

I never knew I could be in this much pain. I really don't know what to do anymore. I feel pain when she doesn't reply my SMS-es. I feel pain when I think that I won't be seeing her for 2 weeks. I actually feel more pain as the days go by. Now this is interesting. I get all happy and excited all of a sudden when I see her online. But when I chat with her, I am quickly reminded of the reality of the situation. And I feel hurt. I really don't know what to do. I really don't.

Now, I read back all my posts and I realize that I sound pathetic. But then, maybe I am.